Volcano Club

Volcano Club only offers one type of membership - and that's lifetime. To become a member send some volcanic themed work to the HQ (volcanoclubhq@gmail.com) and you might get a codename or some other cool shit.

Thursday, 21 June 2012

How football tournaments should be judged

Because my life has pretty much been taken over by the Euros (the football tournament not the currency) I haven't posted on here in a while but I have managed to find a way to combine them = YAY VOLCANOES AND FOOTBALL TOURNAMENTS! Basically this is going to imagine if the teams still left in the competition were judged for their volcanoes not their footballing ability. Countries will then be given a VFI (Volcanic Footballing Index) and the higher index will win the round.


First up, Czech Republic v Portugal

Czech Republic, the only instance of volcanoes in the country (only mention in Wikipedia) is Trosky castle which is built on a volcanic plug, which are remnants of the magma chamber. The football team aren't too exciting either. VFI = 2/10
Portugal - the mainland has no active volcanoes but the islands of Azores and Madeira have many active and extinct volcanoes. Madeira also has amazing plant life partly due to the volcanic soil and it's where Christiano is from and he's pretty eruptive. VFI = 6/10
Portugal wins!


Tomorrow Greece v Germany
Greece has 6 volcanoes, which are all on the islands, the best is Santorini which possibly wiped out the Minoan civilisation. I think the unpredictability of the team also adds to their VFI and the fact they have the ability to upset THE WHOLE FOOTBALLING WORLD. VFI = 7/10
Germany only has one incident of volcanism, which is the West Eifel Volcanic Field, a 600 sq km area in the Rhineland containing small extinct stratovolcanoes, but it's not very impressive and hasn't erupted since the Holocene era. Germany also has quite an organised footballing style which is not very volcanic. VFI = 3/10
Greece wins!


Saturday Spain v France
Spain there are a couple of volcanic fields in the Pyrenees which like Germany's have been extinct for ages. The Canary Islands like Madiera are volcanic, the most notable volcano being Teide on Tenerife. But I don't call passing the ball very accurately a million times very volcanic so some minus points. VFI = 5/10
France again has a mainland volcanic field that has long been inactive. But France still has loads of overseas territories (which is a bit weird) and Gualdeloupe, Reunion and Martinique all have active volcanoes. The team are bit too structured to be volcanic. VFI = 5/10
Spain win on Penalties.


Sunday ENGLAND v Italy
England, now if we're looking at England as opposed to the UK then England are crap as Scotland and Wales has some volcanic landscape and like France the UK has some volcanic overseas territories but I can't include those. So all we've got is the Scafells (remnants of a supervolcano) and Wayne Rooney's eruption of hair. VFI = 1/10
Italy - Vesuvius, Etna and Stromboli, Italy is pretty much the king of volcanoes and Balotelli could erupt at any moment. VFI = 9/10
Italy win, conclusively (sorry)

Semi Final 1, Greece v Italy
This will a be crazy game with lava flowing everywhere but in the end Italy are unbeatable.

Semi Final 2, Portugal v Spain
In this Iberian derby (I bet 20mill that a commentator will say that) Portugal just get ahead, goal from Christino. 

FINAL Italy v Portugal
Despite Mario Balotelli getting sent off Italy prove to be unbeatable and take the trophy home.

ITALY WIN! (This picture isn't in Italy)

Now I have to go and get changed into my Christano Ronaldo shirt which will definitely please my blog editor. Also it's a shame Russia are out as they would given Italy a run for their money.


  1. Surprised at the France v Spain verdict. A wild guess and wikipedia say Corsica is formed from volcanic eruptions and with the likes of Ribery and Diarra anything, brilliant or stupid, could happen.

    If they refuse to play again is it volcanic or dormant?

    Pleased to see Greece in the final,


  2. Yes maybe, but the Canary Islands are really volcanic, Tenerife has a restaurant where food is cooked by volcanoes! So it does win on active volcanoes, although I suppose neither country has them on the mainland, it's a close run thing really. I thought that Spain the country was more volcanic and the football less so which kinds cancel each other out.

    Refusing to play is dormant which Torres has got in shitloads. Greece aren't in the final, they do win the third place play off which everyone knows is the real victory.

    1. Sorry I edited the first paragraph and by the time I'd finished had forgotten the final. Sounds like Spain is far more volcanic than France

  3. Still looks like it could be a volcanic Portugal-Italy final, just need the volcanic talismen to pull the teams through, I think all football commentators have just learned the word talisman and are therefore using it every second. Also Iberian derby was said before the game kicked off, so think I win that bet.