How football tournaments should be judged

Because my life has pretty much been taken over by the Euros (the football tournament not the currency) I haven't posted on here in a while but I have managed to find a way to combine them = YAY VOLCANOES AND FOOTBALL TOURNAMENTS! Basically this is going to imagine if the teams still left in the competition were judged for their volcanoes not their footballing ability. Countries will then be given a VFI (Volcanic Footballing Index) and the higher index will win the round.

 


First up, Czech Republic v Portugal

Czech Republic, the only instance of volcanoes in the country (only mention in Wikipedia) is Trosky castle which is built on a volcanic plug, which are remnants of the magma chamber. The football team aren't too exciting either. VFI = 2/10
Portugal - the mainland has no active volcanoes but the islands of Azores and Madeira have many active and extinct volcanoes. Madeira also has amazing plant life partly due to the volcanic soil and it's where Christiano is from and he's pretty eruptive. VFI = 6/10
Portugal wins!

 




Tomorrow Greece v Germany
Greece has 6 volcanoes, which are all on the islands, the best is Santorini which possibly wiped out the Minoan civilisation. I think the unpredictability of the team also adds to their VFI and the fact they have the ability to upset THE WHOLE FOOTBALLING WORLD. VFI = 7/10
Germany only has one incident of volcanism, which is the West Eifel Volcanic Field, a 600 sq km area in the Rhineland containing small extinct stratovolcanoes, but it's not very impressive and hasn't erupted since the Holocene era. Germany also has quite an organised footballing style which is not very volcanic. VFI = 3/10
Greece wins!

 

Saturday Spain v France
Spain there are a couple of volcanic fields in the Pyrenees which like Germany's have been extinct for ages. The Canary Islands like Madiera are volcanic, the most notable volcano being Teide on Tenerife. But I don't call passing the ball very accurately a million times very volcanic so some minus points. VFI = 5/10
France again has a mainland volcanic field that has long been inactive. But France still has loads of overseas territories (which is a bit weird) and Gualdeloupe, Reunion and Martinique all have active volcanoes. The team are bit too structured to be volcanic. VFI = 5/10
Spain win on Penalties.

 


Sunday ENGLAND v Italy
England, now if we're looking at England as opposed to the UK then England are crap as Scotland and Wales has some volcanic landscape and like France the UK has some volcanic overseas territories but I can't include those. So all we've got is the Scafells (remnants of a supervolcano) and Wayne Rooney's eruption of hair. VFI = 1/10
Italy - Vesuvius, Etna and Stromboli, Italy is pretty much the king of volcanoes and Balotelli could erupt at any moment. VFI = 9/10
Italy win, conclusively (sorry)


Semi Final 1, Greece v Italy
This will a be crazy game with lava flowing everywhere but in the end Italy are unbeatable.

Semi Final 2, Portugal v Spain
In this Iberian derby (I bet 20mill that a commentator will say that) Portugal just get ahead, goal from Christino. 

FINAL Italy v Portugal
Despite Mario Balotelli getting sent off Italy prove to be unbeatable and take the trophy home.

ITALY WIN! (This picture isn't in Italy)

Now I have to go and get changed into my Christano Ronaldo shirt which will definitely please my blog editor. Also it's a shame Russia are out as they would given Italy a run for their money.

Spacano

When I was in the shop Lush the other day I noticed a product called Volcano, obviously after I had sneezed repeatedly from the assault to my senses (I do love lush but it smells a lot). I would have bought the product but I didn't bother as I saw it was for feet and I don't like to care for my feet in anyway, as I see my hard and cracked skin as a mark of honour, also rubbing away the dead skin gets rid of the goodness. But it did remind me of the many volcanic spas around the world which look pretty fucking cool.

There is this luxury one in Costa Rica powered by the Arenal volcano

Or if you just fancy splashing about in mud there's the island of Vulcano in Italy. This picture reminds me of walking out to the sea at WSM at low tide, although I'm sure that mud has a more sewage-like quality than the purifying mud of volcanoes.

There is also a mud bath crater at the Sea of Azov which might just be my new fave place in the world, it's located just north of the Black Sea and linked by the Kerch straight, which can be seen in the top picture (Black Sea bottom, Sea of Azov top). It also separates Russia and Ukraine and is the worlds shallowest sea, average depth 7m. The Tamansky Peninsula, which is on the Russian side of the Kerch straight, google maps obviously shows this better, has around 25 mud volcanoes causing the lovely mud baths. I saw a great picture of people bathing here in the volcano book, which I haven't read yet as I've just read a book about the Manson Family which was FUCKING NUTS, I also read a book set by the black sea where someone worked in a bathing house- I'm mentioning that to prove people who live round the black sea like bathing. Hope you enjoyed that brief summary of everything I've read and haven't read in the past month.

Sadly I didn't quite manage to proof read before Greece-Czech Republic kick off, I'm not sure whether proof reading or watching sport is more important in my blog editor's (who also happens to be my mother) world.